"I need to be able to live with myself"

[aragarna]

I'll make a proper and illustrated squee later, but I wanted to talk a little about Peter here, because, as they say on tumblr, Peter needs more love.
Yes, it hurts to see the boys at odds, and it's a complicated situation but I don't want to put the blame on anybody. Yes, Neal did the only things he could to save Peter, and it's legitimate for him to feel like he did the right thing. But Peter is Peter, and from his point of view, this cannot be the right thing.

This is a very complicated for Peter, and I'll try to make it coherent. It was kind of a test, and as a character, I think Peter passed it.
But first of all, I think it's important to point out that after 4 seasons and a half of shenanigans and love, it should be an established fact that Peter cares very much for Neal, so anything that rips them apart is just as painful for Peter as it is for Neal (and for us). Neal feels hurt and betrayed. Peter very much too.

There's a right way and a wrong way.
Peter's a man of law, he believes strongly in his duty to serve Justice. He doesn't place himself above the law, but he needs to be above suspicion and reproach. He has high standards to live up to. To "serve Justice" he needs to be untouchable. He can bend the law, and sometimes obtain leads without warrants - leads, not evidence. But in the end, he always makes sure everything fall back within the law, and that he is serving justice. Bad guys are being arrested and will face trial, he gathers evidence, and protects the victim.
Contrary to Neal's remark, it is not "the end justifies the mean." The mean has to be acceptable. And like I said before, if Peter can venture outside his law book, he will never venture outside the right side of moral.
And faking evidence, bribing a judge, that's simply NOT acceptable. Period.
What would it say about him if he accepted that? That would make him just as corrupted and morally wrong as any of the criminal he arrests. Morally, he should arrest himself.
That conversation with Elizabeth was particularly heartbreaking, and I love Peter so much for his internal troubles. He'd rather risk a trial - that doesn't even look good for him - than compromise himself. And it's not a pose. It's that deep down, he couldn't live with himself if he was corrupted. Peter needs to believe he is a good person.
I need to be able to live with myself.

Now that he knows, he feels like it's his duty to reveal everything, even if the consequences would be disastrous for him.
Of course, in the end, he accepted a compromise, because he's also caring, and Elizabeth should not have to pay the price of his conscience crisis. And neither should Neal.
But accepting this compromise cost Peter a lot, and it's legitimate that he doesn't want to be placed in such a situation again.

Peter is actually terrified of what it means for him, of who he's become. How did he end in a situation where he had no right way out? How come that the only thing to do was to compromise himself, doing something he deeply despises?

During four seasons, Peter thought he was pulling Neal to the right side, showing him he could become someone better. And now he is realizing it's actually Neal who is dragging him on his side. And that's a side Peter doesn't want to go to.
Solving things illegally and against the system always come back to bite you, it only created more chaos. If you think only in term of self-interest and not in a larger view of restoring justice, it doesn't actually solve anything.

So, Peter is also disappointed. In Neal, who he really wanted to believe was becoming a better person, and in himself, for fooling himself in believing so.
There's also the fact that Peter didn't ask for any of this. He was ready to accept the consequences for his actions, because he always does. He'd do anything for Neal, disobey order or help his father, and he's ready to accept the demotions or unfortunate turns of events. If he had lost his job, he would have accepted it, because he was convinced he had still been doing the right thing helping Neal.
Peter has no problems taking full responsiblity for his actions, but it's harder to accept things he didn't do, wasn't asked about and wouldn't have accepted. And it's not just that it's easy to say when you're free, because if it wasn't for El and Neal, he was ready to turn himself in.

Honestly, from Peter's point of view, this is hearbreaking. His whole world has been turned upside down. He feels like a fraud. He is doubting himself, and he feels like distancing himself from Neal is the only way not to lose himself. And because it's an established fact he loves Neal, we know it's costing him a lot. Just like it costs Neal a lot to deceive Peter. And despite everything, Peter couldn't resign himself to arrest Neal. And he kept the Welsh coins off record in Dekker's interrogation.

I honestly don't know how they'll solve this.They'll probably need some sort of cathartic event (hopefully not too catastrophic, and soon enough...). And I'm actually worried that there's still a lot that Peter doesn't know and won't like anymore than the corrupted judge. Hagen. Siegel's death.
But I was looking forward to (and dreading at the same time) that moment where Peter will discover the truth about his release, and I have to say, I am satisfied of the treatment. I like that the show dared going fully into the moral dilemna for Peter, and managed to keep him true to his character. It would have been much easier for everyone (mainly us) if Peter had accepted the situation with a pat in Neal's back. But that would have compromised Peter, as a character. That would have made him no better than all those TV cops who think they know better and think they're above the law and the system.
I'm proud of my show for not taking the easy road, and for not sweeping it all under the rug like I've seen so many other shows do (NCIS, The Mentalist...).
And god, I'm glad we won't be left rotting several months after that episode!

ETA: make sure to also read veleda_k's anlysis HERE, who adds a very important point: from what Peter knows now, it's Neal who stole the gold to bribe the judge on his own.

If you think Burke is a jerk, please refrain from commenting. I don't think he deserves any hate or any less love than Neal.
If you're willing to courteously add your own observations, please feel free to join the conversation.