aragarna | [Fanfiction] Those Left Behind

Title: Those Left Behind
Author: Aragarna
Characters: Sara, Elizabeth
Genre, rating: angst and comfort, episode tag, gen, G.
Word count: ~2000
Spoilers: season 3 finale
Summary: When Neal runs, Sara finds unexpected comfort in El's pistachio ice-cream.
Author's Note: This is for

sandy79, who asked for Sara and El bonding in the aftermath of 3x16, as part of the

wcpairings exchange. Many thanks to

reve_silencieux for the helpful advice and beta!

Those left behind

The soft knock on the door startled her, wresting her out of her moody reverie. Sara put down the book she was pretending to read and walked up to the door. For a moment, she hoped it would be Neal. She hoped he hadn’t disappeared on her, that history wasn’t repeating itself.

So sorry I scared you, he’d say. Of course I wouldn’t leave you without saying goodbye. Scratch that. Of course I wouldn’t leave you. I love you, Sara. Well, maybe not that last part.

Her heart racing, she peeked through the peephole. She sighed. It was just Elizabeth.

Sara opened the door.

“Hello, Elizabeth.”

“Hi, Sara. I hope I’m not interrupting.”

Sara stepped aside and let Elizabeth in. “No, no. I was just…” What was she doing, precisely? Daydreaming, hoping, brooding? “Reading a book.”

Elizabeth took out a box from her thermos bag and handed it to Sara. “I brought you pistachio ice cream,” she said with a warm smile. “I hope you like it. That’s both boys’ favorite. They find it comforting, they say. I thought you might need some comfort as well.”

“Oh, thank you so much, Elizabeth. I love pistachio. And I could definitely use some comforting ice cream. Care to join me?” She offered with a smile.

“Sure.”

With a wave toward the sofa, Sara invited her guest to sit down. “Please, Elizabeth, make yourself at home.”

“Do you want something to drink?” she asked from the kitchen while she prepared two bowls of ice cream. “Wine? Beer?”

“White wine?”

“Sure.”

Sara came back with the ice cream bowls and two glasses of wine on a tray. She handed Elizabeth a glass and sat next to her on the sofa.

Sara took a spoon of ice cream. It softly melted in her mouth. The cold sweetness spread inside her body. Some of the stiffness that was binding her body disappeared. She let go a long sigh.

“Oh, I really needed this. It’s absolutely delicious, Elizabeth. What’s your secret?”

Elizabeth winked. “Family secret.” Then she turned more serious. “How are you feeling?”

Sara shrugged. “I’m fine,” she said automatically.

Elizabeth tilted her head and gave Sara a long look. “You don’t have to pretend to be strong with me. I know you and Neal were getting back together. You just testified for him. You must feel at least a little upset.”

Sara paused. Elizabeth was right. She was a little upset. Elizabeth was also right that she didn’t have to pretend. It was okay to admit her feelings. Elizabeth was a friend. She could trust her, open up to her. She didn’t have to put up her armor and pretend she was fine.

She put down her bowl. “Honestly, Elizabeth, I’m not sure how I feel. I mean, I’m not sure if I’m sad, or angry, or…”

“He didn’t have a choice, you know,” Elizabeth said suddenly. “He wouldn’t have run if he could have stayed.”

Sara dismissed it with a wave of her hand.

“I’m not sure what happened exactly,” Elizabeth pressed, “but surprisingly, Peter doesn’t seem to be mad at Neal.”

Sara looked up. That was unexpected. “Peter isn’t upset that Neal disappeared like that?”

Elizabeth shook her head. “He’s not. I mean, he is upset. But not at Neal. He’s terribly pissed at Agent Kramer though.”

Sara pondered this a moment. “So you think Peter knows… something? Did he talk to Neal?”

Elizabeth shook her head. “He must know something but I’m not sure how much. And he doesn’t know where Neal went. Look, whatever happened at the hearing, it must have been important enough, because you and I both know Neal didn’t want to run. He wanted to stay here. So it must be that he didn’t have a choice.”

Sara shrugged. She wanted to believe it, but with Neal, there was never any certainty. It was all about living in the present, and not worrying about tomorrow. She liked that – to a certain degree. She wasn’t expecting their fling to last forever, but she didn’t expect for it to end so abruptly, without even a simple goodbye.

Especially when they were just getting back together.

It hurt. It hurt so much. Even though it apparently wasn’t Neal’s fault, the fact was, he was gone.

Just like Emily.

There one day, gone the next. Never to return.

“You’re okay?” Elizabeth asked, taking Sara out of her brooding thoughts.

Sara sighed. “I don’t know if Neal ever told you. My sister ran away when I was thirteen. We were inseparable, like two peas in the pod. We shared everything, secrets, clothes… Or so I thought. I’ve never heard from her again.”

Elizabeth put down her own bowl and put a hand on Sara’s.

“I’m really sorry about your sister. I didn’t know.”

Sara shook her head. “It was a long time ago. But now Neal running away, it re-opens old wounds that never truly healed.”

“Peter is going to bring him back,” Elizabeth said with confidence.

Sara gave her a small smile. “I hope you’re right.”

Elizabeth’s confidence was contagious, and Sara felt a little better, and hopeful for a happy ending. She raised her glass and they toasted to Neal’s safe return.

“Do you think he would have gotten his commutation?” she asked after a while.

“The hearing? I don’t know. It would have been fair. It seems to me he did his part of the deal.”

“And then some,” Sara laughed. “Good and bad…”

“Well, Peter always says the good outweighs the bad. And as far as the FBI is concerned, they only saw the good.”

“So what went so wrong?”

“From what I understand of Peter’s rants against Agent Kramer, Neal was too good an asset for him to let him go. He had a personal grudge against Neal.”

Sara shook her head. Such a waste.

They talked for a while, mostly about their men. Then, Elizabeth finally got up and Sara walked her to the door.

“Peter will find him,” Elizabeth said again. “He’s moving heaven and earth right now – granted, off record. There’s no place remote enough for Neal to hide from him.”

“I wish I knew where he was, at least,” Sara sighed.

“I’ll promise I’ll let you know if I hear anything,” Elizabeth said with a wink.

Left alone however, it wasn’t long until Sara’s fears and wounds returned.

----------------------------------------

Elizabeth kept her promise and secretly informed Sara of Peter’s progress on his search for his CI. Not that they had much of a real lead. It was more “Neal isn’t in the Caymans,” “Nor in the North Pole.” At least it gave Elizabeth reasons to stop by, and Sara someone to share a glass of wine with. There was nothing worse than drinking your sorrow out all by yourself.

It had been six weeks, when one afternoon, Elizabeth rushed into Sara’s apartment. She was earlier than usual, and she seemed nervous.

She didn't waste time in small talk, and immediately went to the core of the matter. “Cape Verde, Neal’s in Cape Verde!”

A tropical island. Of course, it had to be a tropical island. Sara pictured Neal and Mozzie, sunbathing on deckchairs while sipping margaritas by the sea, oblivious of all the drama they caused here in New York.

“This is good news,” Elizabeth insisted.

Sara smirked. “You’re right, let’s celebrate. I should have a bottle of champagne somewhere.”

After all, it was good news. Despite Elizabeth’s confidence, and Peter’s legendary talent at finding Neal, Sara wasn’t all that convinced that the agent would find his friend so easily. But apparently Sara was underestimating Peter.

“Wait,” Elizabeth said soberly, “Neal isn’t home yet.”

Her tone surprised Sara. Elizabeth didn’t seem as happy as Sara expected her to be.

“What's wrong?”

“I told you they had brought this Agent Collins to chase Neal down. This morning, he raided the house, found Peter’s map. He’s on his way to Cape Verde right now.”

Sara’s smile disappeared and her chest tightened. Elizabeth had indeed told her about Agent Collins, and what Peter thought of him – a mercenary, a bounty hunter. She slowly sat down on the sofa. “You think he could harm him?”

Elizabeth sat next to her. “Peter was worried enough that he ran to the airport right after him. And he knows Neal better than anyone. He can still catch him first.”

“Oh that’s good, then,” Sara said, a little reassured.

Elizabeth shook her head. “Peter might find Neal first, but he doesn’t have the bureau approval. He has no power. Even worse, he was supposed to sit this one out.”

“Are you worried there might be repercussions for him?”

Elizabeth sighed. “Yes,” she said in a small voice. “Peter… He’d do anything for Neal. And I usually find this endearing, but sometimes, I’m afraid he might do something he’d regret. Well, actually, knowing Peter, he might not actually regret his actions, but I’m afraid it might hurt him.”

Sara put her hand on Elizabeth’s arm, trying to reassure her.

“At least, they’ll be together. They make a terrific team. Between the two of them, I’m sure they’ll find a way to fix everything.”

“Three of them,” Elizabeth corrected with a wink. “I bet Mozzie is with Neal.”

“Oh boy, those two, on a tropical island… Wasn’t it their ultimate dream?”

“Mozzie’s, for sure.”

“You don’t think it was Neal’s dream?”

“I think people, having a family, it’s really important to Neal. He probably had a harder time leaving his New York life behind than Mozzie.” She shot Sara an intense look. “How much do you know about… Hum… the treasure?”

Sara frowned. The conversation was taking an unexpected turn. “Enough…” she said with caution.

“Well, Mozzie and Neal had an argument about it. Mozzie wanted to run, Neal didn’t want to. So, he stalled for as long as he could, and that’s how things got… complicated.” She shook her head. “Anyway, my point is, they had the treasure of a lifetime, and Neal didn’t want to run.”

“He told you this?”

“Well, he told Peter, who told me.”

Sara couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes it seemed Peter and El were just two parts of one single entity. She envied that absolute trust they had in each other. She hoped she’d find her Peter one day. Could it be Neal? A part of her wanted to believe so, but Neal seemed so un-Peter… Peter would never run on Elizabeth like this. Peter was honest, solid. A stable presence. Neal was so much more elusive, like right now, half-way across the globe.

“You know back then, when they had the treasure, Neal actually offered me the chance to run with him.”

Elizabeth raised her eyebrow, surprised. “Oh, really?”

Sara wondered what could have happened if she had say yes to Neal’s daydream. Probably nothing good anyway.

“Yes, I turned him down. That’s why we broke up.”

“Oh, that’s right. Peter was really sad it didn’t work out for you two. But I’m glad you’re back together.” Elizabeth added with a wink.

Sara felt a knot in her stomach that she couldn’t really explain. She loved Neal, she really did. When she was with him, the world seemed so much more colorful, sparkling, like a glass of champagne. But a little voice was telling her that he'd always be an elusive dream, slipping away, time after time, leaving her all alone and heartbroken. That is not what she wanted, what she needed.

She gave Elizabeth a small smile but remained silent.

Now that the search for Neal was narrowed down to a small archipelago in the Atlantic, it wouldn’t be too long for him to come back, one way or another. Then, it’d be time for Sara to make a decision. For now, she’d simply hope he’d come back as a free man.